Children of Our Children
By Ana Figueroa

Great-grandmother's tour of duty A helpful support system You can't say no to blood (from AARP Modern Maturity) Where to find help(AARP.org) Stretch across the generations Learning from our grandchildren

Ella Holguin thought she had planned well for her retirement. After raising six children, and saving for years, she and her husband had built their dream home-complete with a swimming pool and horses for the grandchildren-on a 10-acre parcel outside Tucson, Arizona.

Then, at age 66, Holguin's family life changed dramatically. In one year, her husband passed away, and her daughter-in-law left her son, Joseph, and their three young children. Holguin spent the next two years helping Joseph retain custody, to prevent their alcohol-abusing mother from later taking the children. After winning the custody battle, Joseph fell ill. He and the children moved in with Holguin, who cared for Joseph until his death a year later.

Overnight, Holguin became the sole caregiver for two granddaughters, then 10 and 8, and a grandson, then 6. "I couldn't even give myself time to grieve for my son. My grandkids were my priority, because I promised Joseph I would take care of them," says Holguin.

But problems soon mounted. Holguin fell behind on her mortgage after paying her son's funeral expenses-she lost her dream home. She and the children moved to a tiny home on the south side of Tucson.

"Sometimes, my daughter-in-law would come over for them while intoxicated. And the school district kept pressuring me to get a formal guardianship. But I didn't qualify for Legal Aid, and I couldn't afford a private attorney."

Luckily, a neighbor told Holguin about the K.A.R.E. (Kinship and Adoption Resource and Education) Family Center, a local nonprofit that provides services to grandparent-caregivers. K.A.R.E. helped Holguin obtain legal guardianship of her grandchildren and provided counseling for her grandson, who was having problems in school. "They even found some grant money so that I could fix the leaky plumbing in my house," says Holguin. More importantly, the center's regular support group meetings gave Holguin a valuable emotional outlet. "I realize now that there are other people just like me."

'Many sources of funds are based on the income of the child, and not that of the grandparents'

In fact, there are over two and a half million people just like her-grandparents heading households with children under age 18. According to the latest census figures, 22.5 percent of the children living in grandparent-headed households in the U.S. are Hispanic.

Experts say it is crucial for this growing population of grandparent-caregivers to realize they are not alone. Amy Goyer is coordinator of the AARP Grandparent Information Center (GIC), an information and referral program that provides information to grandparents through its database, website, and print publications (these last are available in both English and Spanish). Now in its 10th year, the GIC recently commissioned a series of focus groups to explore issues confronting Hispanic grandparents raising grandchildren.

Says Goyer, "In general, we know that grandparents who aren't in support groups are very isolated. Grandparents who are Spanish-speaking and not in support groups are even more isolated. They are not even aware that help is out there-so they don't go looking for it."

Many Hispanics-indeed many grandparents of all backgrounds-find themselves having to care for their children's children. The reasons include divorce, death, abandonment, HIV-AIDS, substance abuse, mental illness, teen pregnancy, incarceration, and domestic violence, says Goyer. But laws that vary from state to state, and especially language barriers, can make it difficult for Hispanic grandparents to learn about sources of help. "Confusion about what benefits grandparents may be entitled to is a huge problem. Many sources of funds are based on the income of the child, and not that of the grandparents. So the grandchildren may be entitled to benefits such as state health insurance programs, but the grandparents don't know about it," says Goyer. "Many Latinos also fear that if they or their grandchildren are not in the country legally, they won't be able to get services," she adds, identifying a common and costly misconception.

Goyer says the AARP focus groups highlight another cultural distinction in the Hispanic community: "Latinos don't say anything bad about their children or grandchildren. It just isn't done." As a result, many grandparents who find themselves in Holguin's position have nowhere to vent pent-up emotion. Notes Goyer, "Some of the people in our focus groups were very emotional. One woman was raising her son's children after he committed suicide. She was still grieving, and she cried repeatedly during the session."

Faced with an epidemic of overstressed grandparent-caregivers, the K.A.R.E. Family Center in Tucson (the agency that helped Holguin) concentrates on "stabilizing" families. Volunteer attorneys provide legal information clinics. An eligibility specialist educates and helps grandparents apply for state and federal funds, such as Temporary Aid for Needy Families. "The on-site specialist makes a huge difference," says K.A.R.E. Family Center director, Laurie Melrood. "Many people tell us that when they go to the various agencies and apply on their own, their role as new parents is neither recognized nor respected, and they don't get the information they need. It is doubly difficult for Latinos, because many of them, especially those from the border communities, have a set of expectations about government. They often assume they will not be helped."

The center tries hard to help, printing flyers in Spanish, and tailoring services for the Hispanic community. "Many times, the information out there is not geared to families of Latino origin. We need information that recognizes valuable aspects of Latino culture, such as the role of the niño and niña, and the extended family," says Melrood.

The center also offers material aid, such as furnishings, shoes, clothes, even diapers. And regular grandparent-grandchild outings provide much-needed respite for weary caregivers, or at least a change of scenery.

Melrood is especially proud of the center's placticas, or Spanish-language support groups. "We provide childcare, meals, and even transportation if needed.

"We have a steady corps of Spanish-speaking caregivers who give the center its flavor and its credibility. They laugh together and cry together. And you should see them at Christmas, debating over whose tamale recipe is best," says Melrood.

In New York City, at the Spanish Speaking Elderly Council (RAICES), culinary debates are more likely to revolve around the annual Three Kings Day festivities. RAICES' six senior centers provide educational workshops and activities for area grandparents raising grandchildren, as well as case management through RAICES' Access Program.

RAICES' clientele is largely Puerto Rican, Dominican, Central American, and South American in origin. And most of the caregivers don't have legal guardianship. Says RAICES Access Program Director, Suyapa O. Blanco, "Our grandparents don't want the courts involved, although we encourage them to apply for and access services. They simply are afraid that the government will take the grandchildren away. That prevents them from getting what they are entitled to, in many cases. So lots of our families are just surviving on the grandparents' Social Security benefit."

Blanco says the biggest need in her community is for more information in Spanish. But she is also dealing with some unexpected issues. "A big problem is how to talk with their grandchildren about sex. That is clearly something they are not used to doing. So, in conjunction with the Brooklyn Grandparents Coalition, we've provided workshops about teenage sex education."

At the top of Blanco's wish list is a change in societal attitudes. "The grandparents who are struggling to raise their grandkids should be recognized. They are giving up their retirement years to care for these children, after they've already raised their own kids. The attitude in the Latino community is that we will take responsibility, because it is our family. Society should value this commitment, not make life more difficult."

Ella Holguin, the Tucson grandmother, is more focused these days on helping her grandchildren with their social skills. "I worry about the lack of male role models for my grandson. The other day, I took him to the park to try and shoot baskets, but I wasn't too helpful," laughs Holguin.

And she poignantly voices a concern no doubt shared by other grandparent-caregivers. "Sometimes I worry that my grandkids might be ashamed of me when I pick them up from school. I'm not young, like the other parents. I've asked them about this, but they tell me, 'Oh, Grandma, we're so proud of you.' And they hold my hand."

She adds, "I may have lost my husband, my son, and my home, but I have my grandkids. We've started a new life together. They've grown up a lot in the last two years. They don't let me go anywhere alone, even if it is just to the store nearby. They jump up and say, 'Grandma, we're going with you.' Sometimes I think they're beginning to take care of me."

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