“I never dreamed of the white dress,” says the 51-year-old from Coral Gables, Florida. “I always dreamed of myself with a baby.”

In January 2002 she adopted Katya and fulfilled that long-deferred goal, but never married.

“When I was young…I wanted to be an independent journalist who would travel and have an exciting career,” she says. “I felt I would be shackled if I married. I did have two or three proposals.”

Still, she’s stayed single, with no regrets, although lately she is warming to the idea of having a man under her roof.

“The thought of having a companion to share my life with, to share financially, is more appealing,” Gutiérrez confides. And she wants to give Katya a father. So she has started to date.

77%

Have never married or have been single five or more years.

Choosy, freedom-loving, and nontraditional: all describe Gutiérrez. She’s just one of a vast number of Hispanic singles in the United States today who don’t conform to old stereotypes of the lonely bachelor or reclusive spinster. And there are many other surprises. AARP Segunda Juventud commissioned a nationally representative survey of 504 single Latinos, ages 40 to 69, to learn more about their lives and the startling changes that are occurring in their ranks.

Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness
Foremost, Hispanic singles enjoy going solo. The survey found that 46 percent of respondents believe they have a good life. Like Gutiérrez, 77 percent of single Latinos have never married or have been single for five or more years, so they’re accustomed to living without a mate.

What do they enjoy most? The freedom. More than 60 percent said independence was the best aspect of being single, followed by not having to answer to anyone.

Despite previous heartbreaks, many midlife Hispanic singles are still hunting for love

“Men feel free when they’re appreciated by a woman, [but] for a woman, freedom is a man not telling her what to do,” says John Gray, Ph.D., author of the bestseller Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

Going it alone can present hardships, of course. “I’m responsible for maintaining my house, and all the things I have to do to it are on my shoulders,” says Berta Avila, 71, of Hialeah, Florida, who has been single since she divorced in 1980. But despite the burdens, she says she has a good life.

To Date or Not to Date?
This love of independence has kept many Hispanic singles happily out of relationships: a whopping 70 percent of women surveyed said they have no interest in dating or a romantic relationship. Half said they wouldn’t reconsider even if they met the perfect man. And about 30 percent of men said they want nothing to do with romance. While 77 percent of all respondents said they enjoyed their single life just the way it is, half also said fear for personal safety and bad past experiences kept them alone.

54%

Prefer to live with someone instead of getting married.

For many, that bad experience was a divorce. More than half the singles surveyed were divorced. One in four says cheating broke up the marriage, in contrast to the general public, according to an AARP survey, which found the majority blames divorce on verbal or physical abuse. Not surprisingly, broken marriages leave a scar: 65 percent of divorced Hispanic women and 47 percent of men say they won’t remarry.

“Divorce is…nearly always a situation of one person feeling left behind by the other,” says author John Gray.

Jorge Ramirez, 60, of Central Islip, N.Y., knows that feeling well. Seven years after his marriage ended, he still longs for the intimacy a romantic relationship can bring: “At night, or sometimes when you would be talking about something…that’s what I miss.”

Whether they’ve been searching for a romantic partner for months or years, many remain hopeful

Despite previous heartbreaks, many midlife Hispanic singles are still hunting for love. Sixty-eight percent of single Latino men who are not dating are interested in doing so, as are 28 percent of the single women in the same situation. The main reason? To find companionship.

But sex is no small detail in the quest. About 80 percent of all dating singles said sexual compatibility was a critical factor in finding a companion. After that, men and women have sharply different views: 14 percent of men—but only 2 percent of women—think that the first date is the right time for sex. Among women, nearly 70 percent would prefer to wait at least several months before having sex; we hope they’ll meet one of the 41 percent of men who agree.

Want a Roommate?
Forget walking down the aisle. Most Hispanic singles surveyed would prefer to live together. Some 54 percent—about twice as many as the general public—said that even if they met their ideal mate, they would choose cohabitation over marriage.

77%

Aren’t interested in dating because they like life the way it is.

Men more than women prefer living together. The survey also found that men in their 50s say they have the easiest time finding dates—nearly one in three say it’s very easy, compared to just one in 10 women the same age. In contrast, among singles in their 50s, more than twice as many women as men say finding a date is very difficult: 24 percent of women versus 10 percent of men. One reason may be that Hispanic single women lead busier family lives: 62 percent live with relatives or unrelated adults, compared to only 51 percent of men.

It’s Just Around the Corner
Whether they’ve been searching for a romantic partner for months or years, many remain hopeful. Though single for 30 years, Leo Garza, 66, of San Antonio, Texas, is optimistic. He has had girlfriends off and on, he says, but none have clicked: “I like sharing everything, but after a while they get bossy. You give them a ride, and the first thing they want to do is change your radio [station].”

Acknowledging he may have to make some concessions, he keeps looking. “I’ve had a good life,” he says. “I’ve never lacked for anything. I’d like to find somebody, and we could just enjoy ourselves. Maybe before too long, I’ll find the right one.”

Bárbara Gutiérrez, too, is looking. She’s getting advice from friends and going on blind dates.

“The men are nice, but none of them have turned out,” she says. Yet she, too, remains hopeful: “My best friend is getting married for the first time at 53.” The bride will be wearing an off-white dress.